HOARD
Patch notes

For the boyzzzzzz.

HOARD

A budget app that is secretly a goblin RPG.

Steam Coming
April 2027 Crystal Watch
Download for Windows
Mobile coming soon

You're on a phone. Hoard lives on a PC for now. Send yourself the link and grab it there.

Windows only. It updates itself. Private testing, so it asks for your key.

The alpha moves to Steam this week. Until the store page is up, this download still works.

Windows might clutch its pearls because the installer isn't signed yet. Hit More info, then Run anyway.

▼

Pick a door.

Here's your quest, fricker.

  1. 1Switch on your bank alerts. I read them and file every account in one home.
  2. 2Stay inside your rations. Good money moves are quests, and quests pay EXP.
  3. 3Climb sixty ranks. New lairs unlock on the way up. The crystal does not care how rich you are.

Crystal Watch.

Choose your hero.

Mage

Each spell unwritten, each dragon unborn. Never enough. Never the end of night.

Playable now
A king, in shadow
???The dead keep a king.

Thirty waves.

  /\             /\
 /  \  _______  /  \
 \   \/       \/   /
  \   \ \   / /   /
   \__| O   O |__/
      |   ^   |
      | \VVV/ |
       \_____/
GIBBLES

This is Hoard. If a bank or a card sends you an alert, I read it and file it. Every account you own, one home, for good. No fuss.

Nobody else builds it like this, because there's no money in it for them. The big budget apps want your bank login, a copy of everything you spend and a monthly fee. A bank would buy Hoard tomorrow and sell your habits by Friday.

Not happening. Zero data to me. Zero subscription. Zero middlemen. It all stays on your PC. I'm a goblin. I don't share gold, and I don't share yours.

How it works. Three steps. I counted them twice.

Gmail. Make an app password for it. Not your real password, the app one. Proton works too, through Bridge.

Bank alerts. Switch on every alert your banks and cards offer: balances, charges, deposits. No alerts, no gold. I can't read mail that never shows up.

No alerts yet? Dump me CSV statements from your bank. It works, but you're the one hauling the sacks until the alerts start flowing.

No, I don't want your data.

Your mail password goes to your mailbox. Not me. I don't even have a server, you paranoid little toad.

Bank emails and passwords? AES 256. Nick the hard drive and enjoy your gibberish, thief.

No accounts. No cloud. No spying. I don't know your name. I'm keeping it that way.

Still don't believe me? Yank the internet. Hoard keeps counting. I keep sneering.

What leaves your PC. The whole list.

  1. 1Your own mailbox, over TLS, to fetch your alerts.
  2. 2GitHub, every minute, asking if there's a new version. It sees your IP. That's it.
  3. 3DuckDuckGo, once per shop, for logos. Only if you said yes.

The last two switch off in Settings.

A goblin pushing a mine cart full of letters

Pick your lair.

Five themes come with Hoard. You start with one. The rest you earn. Click one and I'll put a tune on.

Hearth: a cabin at night with a fire going

Hearth

Yours from level 1

A wizard blasting a vault full of gold apart

Donate your body to science.

Install it. Break it. Screenshot the crime scene for the group chat. Testers get a free Steam key at launch. I don't make deals twice.

Steam

When's Steam? Aiming for April.

--days
--hours
--mins
--secs
  1. 1Alpha on SteamNow until December
  2. 2BetaDecember to March
  3. 3LaunchApril 2027

Alpha now. You break it, I sneer at it. Beta when it stops catching fire. April, I start charging gold.

Aiming, not promising. Goblins don't do promises. Promises are contracts, and contracts cost extra.

A goblin bank clerk throwing gold in the air

Grab the latest build. Bring your key. Mac bros, skill issue.

And no, there is no phone app yet, you greedy gremlin. It's a PC. Sit at it.

Download for Windows
Mobile coming soon

Windows only. It updates itself. Private testing, so it asks for your key.

The alpha moves to Steam this week. Until the store page is up, this download still works.